Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
