help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The uberlube is also flammable
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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