Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have to summon your inner elephant
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
