He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
