this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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