pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So many bounce houses so little time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
