ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
