we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
