yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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