I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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