im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
