my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
