My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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