if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
