Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
