I'm jealous of your bromance
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
