Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
