Why is your signature on my underwear?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
