Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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