wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish you could order shots online.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
