somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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