you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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