i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this just has baby written all over it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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