but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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