the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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