waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
