First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
sarcasm needs its own font
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
