Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
