He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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