No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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