Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
