guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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