i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
