I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
