now i know why i became what i already was.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
