WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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