Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
