i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
