I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
