turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
