You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
