you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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