I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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