I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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