I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
