totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
