you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
