Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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