My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
