I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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