my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my being single is dangerous.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
